The holidays are over. Some people experience a let-down, a sense of sadness, a feeling that the excitement is over. Nothing to look forward to except the coldest part of winter, and wondering how much snow we are going to get.
In addition, many of the couples we see postpone coming to therapy over the holidays. December is too busy to do work on their relationships. Understandably so.
We see January as the time to get back to your relationship – to think ahead about how you want this year to be with your partner. Take the holiday let-down and turn it around.
It’s a great time to focus on reviving your connection, recharging your romance, and snuggling under the sheets together. We want to offer three hot tips to do just that.
- Do Random Acts of Love.
Make a list of the small acts of love that your partner appreciates. These are the “little things that make a big difference.” Things that take more thought, than time.
Ask yourself “What is my partner’s ‘Love Language?’” What is it that makes them feel loved and cared about?
- Words, compliments, statements of gratitude or admiration?
- Spending quality time together?
- Small gifts or tokens of love?
- Acts of service or taking a “to do” off their plate?
- Affection, hugs, sex?
Don’t think about what you like to give. Focus on what your partner likes to receive. Set up a reminder to yourself to offer a gift of love. Not once, but often – daily or weekly. It will make a positive impact on your connection – emotionally and sexually. When you give love, you feel more loving.
- Schedule “Us Time” Now.
If you don’t make a plan, chances are it won’t happen; or it won’t happen consistently. Make plans for regular time together – just the two of you. We recommend weekly or at least bi-weekly dates. Saturday nights are fine, but it could also be lunch dates. When our kids were young, we were often tired at night, so we made weekly Friday lunches our time.
We also strongly believe in couples going away together for one or two nights without the kids, several times a year. Just that small amount of privacy and time away from the routine is stimulating enough to revive the romance, and remind you why you married each other. If you plan it now, you will have something to look forward to. Most people can find someone to watch the kids for one night. Bed and breakfasts or Air BnB’s make it affordable.
It’s not too soon to start planning for Valentine’s Day or Valentine’s Weekend. Don’t wait till the last minute. Do it now.
- Try Something New.
We tend to get into ruts and do the same things over and over. Experiencing something new and different together is fun, and stimulates fresh energy and connection.
Brainstorm ideas to create some novel adventures together. It could be new dates ideas, or something you haven’t done in a long time – a comedy club, a play, a day trip, wine tasting. Be creative.
Take a class together – yoga, Zumba, ballroom dancing, cooking for couples, meditation, mindfulness. Or better yet go to a wellness retreat. Here are two we are familiar with:
In addition, there are an endless number of wellness centers, retreats and programs you can find, near and far, on google.
The holidays may be over, but this is the beginning of a new year. It may feel like back to business as usual, but that depends on what you do. You have the power to make this year a better one, for you and for your relationship. Make it happen
If you are in a relationship that hurts and feel disconnected, have difficulties communicating, and/or are experiencing a crisis, Bob and I can help. Call us at 410-363-2825 or email email@example.com.