Many women we see in practice just “accept” that they’ve lost their libidos. They don’t exactly know where it went, but it’s gone. I hear things like:
- “I’m too tired. I wouldn’t care if I ever had sex again.”
- “Since the baby was born, I have no interest in sex.”
- “I’ve gained so much weight. I don’t feel sexy anymore.”
- “Since menopause, it hurts.”
- “After taking care of the kids all day, I don’t want anyone to touch me.”
Partners of these women feel the loss and may seem angry, but if you look more deeply they truly feel hurt and sad. I hear:
- “I asked and got rejected so many times; I stopped asking.”
- “Since we had the baby, she has no time or energy for our marriage.”
- “I don’t care about a few pounds. She’s still sexy to me. Why doesn’t she believe me?”
- “I feel terrible when she tells me it hurts. I don’t know what to do.”
- “She is a great mom; but I feel like we lost our connection with each other.”
Changes in sexual desire over the lifetime of a relationship happen for many different reasons but, unfortunately, it is more common than not. And that disconnect leads to a host of marital and relational problems.
This week I want to recommend a wonderful book that has helped many of my clients. Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage by Laurie Watson. The author challenges women and couples to not “just accept” that sex and desire are lost. She talks about identifying the barriers to enjoying sex, and lays out a blueprint to find that lost libido. Check it out. We would love to know what you think on our Facebook Page.