All couples, including Bob and I, fight. How could any two human beings live together for years and not have differences that cause anger and frustration?

Conflict, in and of itself, is not destructive. It’s the way you express your thoughts and feelings, the words you use, and the emotion behind it that matter. If you and your partner are able to discuss differences without escalating, the outcome of conflict is learning something new about your partner’s feelings.

Validating and understanding your differences doesn’t mean you agree. It means you understand what the other is saying and how they see it. When both partners feel validated, it’s much easier to problem solve, to compromise, to collaborate and come to consensus.

In this short, fascinating interview, one of my all-time favorite teachers, Esther Perel, explores why couples fight, the themes under conflicts, how to end fights, and repair relationships. She also talks about the meaning of bickering and criticism. Check it out:

Why Couples Fight


Bob and Lori are doing Individual, Couples and Marriage Counseling Online.

Call 410-363-2825 or email us now if your relationship is struggling.


Photo credit Jupiterimages, Brand X Pictures