3 Valuable Lessons from Nancy & Ronald Reagan’s Love Story
"Nancy and Ronald Reagan's relationship was probably the greatest love affair in the history of the American Presidency." - Charlton Heston
Not too many famous relationships last a lifetime. But Nancy and Ronald Reagan’s marriage of 52 years was one of them. They had an air of love around them wherever they went. Charlton Heston told People Magazine, "You can't be around them for half an hour and not recognize the absolutely genuine total concern each has for the other."Part of the legacy they leave behind is an exemplary model of a strong and healthy marriage. I thought about what we could learn from them. Here are three lessons from the Reagan’s love story:1) Take your relationship wherever you go."I more than love you, I'm not whole without you. You are life itself to me. When you are gone I’m waiting for you to return so I can start living again." - Ronald ReaganIs your relationship with you, even when you are away from your partner? Ron and Nancy always had each other in mind, whether together or apart.When clients come for counseling after the discovery of an affair, the most frequently asked question is "How could my husband have cheated? Wasn't he thinking of me?" It's as if, the affair partner "forgets" he is married and doesn't think about how he is hurting his spouse; when partners are not physically together, the marriage doesn't exist. For the non-affair spouse this is often difficult to understand.We assume after marriage that we are always "with" our partner in spirit; yet for some, that's not the case. When your relationship is truly "present" at all times, there is nothing you do, that could not be done in the presence of your partner.First Lesson: Your marriage is your most valuable asset. Don't leave home without it. 2) Express genuine feelings of love and admiration to your partner, daily."I realized how valuable the art and practice of writing letters are, and how important it is to remind people of what a treasure letters--handwritten letters--can be. In our throwaway era of quick phone calls, faxes, and email, it's all too easy never to find the time to write letters. That's a great pity--for historians and the rest of us." - Nancy ReaganNo matter where he was, home or away, Ronald constantly wrote Nancy letters to express his love and devotion to her. She kept all his letters and published them in a book, I Love You, Ronnie: The Letters of Ronald Reagan to Nancy Reagan.There's something personal about handwritten notes and letters that doesn't quite come through in a text or email. Bob and I write cards to each other for birthdays, anniversaries and holidays, instead of buying them. We read them aloud to each other and I can tell you it is very heartwarming. Talk about feeding the love and connection; it can't get better than this.Second Lesson: Nurture your connection and feed your love everyday.Ronald said, "You'll never get in trouble if you say 'I love you' at least once a day."
3) Don't take each other for granted."We haven't been careless with the treasure that is ours – namely what we are to each other." - Ronald ReaganIn this day and age with everything moving so fast, the "busyness" of life often allows our relationships to starve and we don't even know it. We do our jobs, move along in our careers, take the kids to all their sporting events and go to sleep exhausted. We forget that our relationships need and deserve time and attention if we want them to last. We take each other for granted. One day we wake up and don't even know the person we're laying next to.Third Lesson: Be mindful of your relationship. Make it a priority. Feed your marriage - it is a living, breathing entity that needs to be nourished.I'll end with my two favorite quotes:"What do you say about someone who gives your life meaning? What do you say about someone who's always there with support and understanding, someone who makes sacrifices so that your life will be easier and more successful? Well, what you say is that you love that person and treasure her." - Ronald Reagan"You learn something out of everything, and you come to realize more than ever that we're all here for a certain space of time, and then it’s going to be over, and you better make this count." - Nancy ReaganI'm grateful to have witnessed their marriage. They set the bar high for all of us. Now go write your partner a love letter!Top Image Ronald Reagan Library; Bottom Image LA Times