5 Crucial Habits to Build Trust in Marriage

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone -
but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."
- Walter Anderson

Trust is the framework upon which love, deep connection and intimacy rests. It takes years to build and only a moment to destroy.I see trust as sacred, something to be delicately held in our hands and cherished. As a couple's therapist for 30 years, I have seen the result when trust is broken or damaged. The pain is almost unbearable. Trust can be healed but its innocence is lost forever.Couples who practice these 5 habits will build trust and connection in their marriages.

1) Be your most genuine self.

Share your thoughts and feelings fully.Being open and authentic is the key to creating trust. You are best friends. No secrets. There is nothing to hide. You talk about what happens during your day, at home or work. You share stories and news about friends, loved ones and co-workers. Your friends are friends of your relationship. You genuinely share thoughts and feelings, especially difficult ones, in a kind and loving way, so you don't build resentment about differences and disagreements.

2) Deeply listen to each other.

Demonstrate genuine interest in your partner's thoughts and feelings.Showing interest in your partner's stories, thoughts, opinions, ideas and feelings is vital to build trust and respect. There is a desire and curiosity to know more about what they think and why, even if you don't agree with them. You consider their point of view and make decisions as a team. It's not all one person's way or the other's. Taking the time to fully listen – meaning no distractions, eye contact, and one person talking at a time – is vital.

3) Give empathy when your partner hurts.

Be compassionate and try to understand your partner's experiences deeply.Being empathetic means putting yourself in the other's shoes. It's more than feeling something "about" them. You feel something "with" them. Empathy is the action of being aware and sensitive to your partner's experiences, imagining yourself in their situation, then letting them know you are doing just that -- using facial expressions, paraphrasing, and reflecting feelings.

4) Validate your partner's thoughts and feelings, even if you don't agree.

Let your partner know you heard their perception and their story.Validation let's your partner know they have been heard. It's important to communicate that you received their message. Paraphrasing your partner's thoughts and feelings is a way of communicating their point is understandable. It does not necessarily mean you agree or disagree; it just lets them know the message they sent was recognized and received.

5) Be transparent.

Be an open book to communicate there is nothing to hide.Transparency is a huge issue in this day and age of electronics. Couples create their own balance of privacy and transparency. However, hiding passwords and/or blocking your partner from seeing texts, Facebook messages, or emails indicates a lack of openness. Paradoxically, when there is transparency, it is much rarer for a partner to "check" up on the other. When you know you can check, there is no need to. (This may not apply after a serious breach of trust.)Building trust is a process that requires time and experience. There is no substitute for either. Consistency over time builds trust. When couples are open; hear, understand and validate each other's thoughts and feelings; and are transparent time and time again, they build deep intimacy, love, connection and trust.Practicing these 5 habits over the years nurtures and grows a long-term marriage that is happy, healthy and truly connected. It provides a level of comfort and safety that is a true gift, and gives you freedom to be your most authentic self.

Your relationship deserves the highest level of support. Relationship Experts, Bob and Lori Hollander are committed to helping individuals and couples build connection and deepen bonds in a world that often makes it difficult.Call them at 410-363-2825 or email them today, info@relationshipswork.com.

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