How To Cope With Your Differences

Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy. - Author UnknownHow different are you and your partner? Chances are - very different. Most likely one of you is neater and one messier; one is more aware of details and the other is not; one is more organized and one is less so; one likes to spend and the other likes to save; one is harder on the kids and one is more lenient.You may find yourself asking, “Are my partner and I really compatible?” Often couples perceive this as a negative. Our differences can be used to help each other fill gaps or they can drive a wedge between us as we argue about who’s way is right, and get stuck in our own positions.Anyone who knows Bob and me personally would tell you that we are very different. So, what’s the best way to handle these differences?Leo Tolstoy, author of War and Peace, said, “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.”We want to share the compatibility secrets that have worked best for us in our own relationship. And, yes, it’s true, two souls with vastly different temperaments can learn to live with each other – and at peace, instead of at war.Here’s what we do:

• Address incompatibility issues with a non-judgmental attitude – not one of right and wrong.
• Acknowledge that you may never truly comprehend the other’s way because you are so different. Respect and accept their feelings anyway.
• Ask for what you need in concrete, behavioral terms – don’t ask your partner to think like you.
• Be patient – and always continue the dialogue.
• Make differences work for you – leverage them to enhance your connection, appreciating what each partner brings to the marriage

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To Your Relationship,

 Lori and Bob Hollander