Is There a Biological Reason for Cheating?

After the disclosure or discovery of an affair, many partners seek therapy. Couples face the initial emotional trauma. The betrayed partner works through feelings of shock, despair, grief, anger and depression; the unfaithful partner confronts feelings of remorse, deep shame, guilt, anger and fear.After the initial phase, couples begin to reflect upon what happened. The betrayed partner questions the unfaithful partner about the details: How did the affair start? Who was the affair with? How long did it last? How often did they see each other? And whatever else they need to know.Inevitably, the question of “WHY” arises. Betrayed spouses ask:

• How could you have done this to me?
• Why did you have an affair?
• What’s wrong with me?

Typically we look for psychological reasons to answer these questions:

• Was there a lack of emotional and/or sexual satisfaction in the marriage?
• Was there a history of affairs in the unfaithful’s family of origin?
• Does he/she have a narcissistic personality?

Recently, science has provided us with another part of the puzzle. There actually may be biological factors involved. Check out the research:1) Read Richard Friedman’s article, "Infidelity Lurks in Your Genes," to learn about research on the link between promiscuity and vasopressin and oxytocin receptor genes.2) Check out the findings of anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, world renowned for her studies on the science of love, in her TEDTalk Why We Love, Why We Cheat.Dr. Fisher explains that romantic love is more like a motor or drive than an emotion. She describes three different systems, evolved as a result of mating and reproduction, which come from the “craving” part of the mind: Lust, Romantic Love and Attachment.Fisher says,

...these three brain systems: lust, romantic love and attachment, aren’t always connected to each other. You can feel deep attachment to a long-term partner while you feel intense romantic love for somebody else, while you feel the sex drive for people unrelated to these other partners. In short, we’re capable of loving more than one person at a time. In fact, you can lie in bed at night and swing from deep feelings of attachment for one person to deep feelings of romantic love for somebody else.

Let us know what you think about the science of cheating on our Facebook page.Image Copyright Andriy Popov