Relationship Experts We Love: Esther Perel, LMFT
“Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?” - Esther Perel, LMFT
Esther Perel, LMFT is one of the most highly regarded international experts in the field of sex and relationships. In addition to practicing couples therapy for 30 years, Esther is on the faculty at NYU Medical Center, Department of Psychiatry.Esther is best known for her best selling book, Mating in Captivity, Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, a must read for today’s couples. Her observations about the paradox of marriage today are incredibly enlightening. Couples desire “passionate marriage,” the safety, security and predictability of being best friends and at the same time want the mystery, novelty, and adventure that creates passion and eroticism. She says:
“We're walking contradictions, seeking safety and predictability
on one hand and thriving on diversity on the other.”
The belief that one person can provide all of this puts tremendous pressure on couples. When relationships fail, people believe they have just chosen the “wrong” person and that another partner will provide all this. Esther challenges that assumption and says the emotional and erotic needs of people are very different.
“Trouble looms when monogamy is no longer a free expression
of loyalty but a form of enforced compliance.”
Her TED talk on “The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship” is considered one of the 10 best TED talks about love, receiving over 5 million views.Some interesting facts: Esther is the daughter of Holocaust survivors and was raised in Belgium, in a community of survivors. She is fluent in nine languages and has a master’s degree in Psychology and Expressive Therapy from Hebrew University of Jerusalem. Esther is married to Jack Saul, Director of the International Trauma Studies Program in NY, and has two sons.Esther is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, an AASECT certified sex therapist, a member of the American Family Therapy Academy and of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.We are so looking forward to Esther Perel’s talks, ”The New Rules of Love and Commitment” and “Learning From the Affair,” at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium. We’ll share what we learn with you.We would love to hear your thoughts about Esther Perel’s work on Facebook or email us at info@RelationshipsWork.com