Should We Marry or Just Live Together?

When I grew up, living together wasn’t a legitimate option. Even if you were planning to get married, it was somewhat taboo. Women were warned, “If you live together he’ll never marry you.”Bob and I did live together before marriage. We were ahead of the curve. When we met he was living in California and I was living in New Jersey. Though I was certain that long distance relationships were not feasible, Bob convinced me to give it a try. After nine months of flying cross-country every six weeks, we decided if we were going to make a go of this relationship, we really needed to be on the same coast.Bob was brave enough to give up his job and move to the east coast, but he wanted to keep his apartment in Santa Monica (just in case it didn’t work out.) That worked for me since I also wanted him to have somewhere to go in case it didn’t work out for me. This meant we would have to live together; though I made it real clear that if the relationship did work out, the goal was marriage. Long term living together wasn’t an option.I remember being anxious when I told my grandmother we were going to live together. To my surprise she was okay with it. Maybe because I was 28 years old; by that age, she had been married for 10 years and had a child. In any case, we did live together for seven months before he realized he couldn’t live without me. I still wonder if he has that apartment in Santa Monica. ;)Today, the world is different. There is no longer a taboo about living together, or even having children before marriage. Though I feel marriage is important, I was curious about whether that was just my bias or if there were benefits of marriage, outside of the legal advantages.A recent study, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, found that after the honeymoon period at the beginning of marriage or cohabitating, marriage did not provide couples with a significant advantage in terms of psychological well-being, health or social ties, over just living together.Dr. Kelly Musick¹, Associate Professor of policy analysis and management at Cornell University's College of Human Ecology said,

"We found that differences between marriage and cohabitation tend to be small and dissipate after a honeymoon period. Also while married couples experienced health gains -- likely linked to the formal benefits of marriage such as shared healthcare plans -- cohabiting couples experienced greater gains in happiness and self-esteem. For some, cohabitation may come with fewer unwanted obligations than marriage and allow for more flexibility, autonomy, and personal growth."

Wow, that was a surprise to me!We would love to hear your thoughts about getting married versus living together on Facebook or email us at info@RelationshipsWork.com¹Kelly Musick, Larry Bumpass. Reexamining the Case for Marriage: Union Formation and Changes in Well-being. Journal of Marriage and Family, 2012; 74 (1): 1 DOI: 10.1111/j.1741-3737.2011.00873.xImage copyright Andresr | Dreamstime.com - Couple Thinking Of The Future Photo