What 'the Donald' Can Teach Us About Relationships - Part I (of II)
Donald Trump’s new reality show, Trump for President, is taking the country by storm. The first episode, “The Republican Primary Debate starring Donald Trump,” was watched by 24 million people; the largest audience ever for any cable news event.
Our fascination with “the Donald” brought an issue to light that affects many of our relationships: Narcissism. It’s all over the news headlines. Here are just some of the titles I found on Google this morning:
- Donald Trump: Narcissist in Chief
- Is Donald Trump Just Another Narcissistic Liberal?
- Donald Trump and Our Obsession With Narcissistic Leaders
- Donald Trump’s Buffoonish and Delusional Narcissism Was In Top Form This Weekend
So what exactly is narcissism? The definition according to Dictionary.com is “excessive self-love; inordinate fascination with oneself; vain.” Narcissism isn’t all bad; a healthy sense of narcissism is necessary to have positive self-esteem. The problem is when self-love becomes so extreme that it leaves no room for others’ feelings or needs.In the clinical sense, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, according to the DSM-5, the book of psychiatric disorders, is defined as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration and a lack of empathy, as indicated by at least five of the nine characteristics below. I’ll use Donald’s statements to illustrate.
1. A grandiose sense of self-importance.
“I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.”- Donald Trump
2. A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
"I will build a great wall - and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me - and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”- Donald Trump
3. A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions.
“Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people.”- Donald Trump
4. A need for excessive admiration.
“All the women on The Apprentice flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.”- Donald Trump
5. A sense of entitlement.
“When I was attacked viciously by those women, of course it’s very hard for them to attack me on looks.”- Donald Trump
6. Interpersonally exploitive behavior.
“You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”- Donald Trump
7. A lack of empathy.
“The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else’s problems. When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”- Donald Trump
8. Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her.
“I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.”- Donald Trump
9. A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes.
“Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest - and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure. It’s not your fault.”- Donald Trump
Need I say more? The draw here is that the charm and charisma of a narcissist is alluring. Their high opinion of themselves is contagious. We may become captivated by their glamour and idealize them.But don’t be fooled. Underneath is actually the opposite, a fragile ego and low self-esteem. Their bravado is a cover, a false sense of self. That’s why they easily become threatened when their integrity is challenged. The response may be name-calling, insults, blackmail or threats.Next week, in Part II, we’ll look at what it’s like to be in a relationship with a narcissist.We’d love to hear your thoughts about narcissism in relationships on our Facebook page or email us at info@RelationshipsWork.comImage copyright Trump for President