4 Steps We Use to Work Through Conflict

Some people think that two relationship counselors married to each other, like Bob and me, must have the perfect marriage. They might even believe that we get along all the time and have little or no conflict. That is far from the truth!Bob and I tell our clients, “When it comes to conflict, we are no different than you. We’ve just learned how to work it through.” So we thought we would use one of our recent conflicts to show you how we handled it in just four steps. It sounds easy, but it takes a lot of practice to learn this dance.Here are the four steps that help us work through issues after we have a disagreement that raises our emotional temperatures:

1. Take a time-out for 15-20 minutes to cool down strong emotions.
2. Come back to continue the conversation with an open mind.
3. Take turns deeply listening to validate each other’s point of view.
4. Problem-solve to figure out a solution that is acceptable to both partners.

Watch this video to hear us talk more in depth about these four steps.