5 Steps to Create Positive Relationships on Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is upon us once again. It can be the best of times or the worst, depending on who you're spending the holiday with, the degree of dysfunction in your family (we all have some), and most importantly, how you manage it.If you have wonderful family relationships, that's easy. However, for most of us, there are some stressful relationships we will confront. Anticipating the holiday gathering may produce anxiety and fear.The truth is we have more control than we think if we plan ahead. The other truth is that our anticipatory fear and anxiety is usually worse than the actual event.Here are 5 steps you can take that will decrease your worry, and create more positivity in your relationships over Thanksgiving.1) Plan ahead. Anticipate what will happen. You know the characters. They will respond in their “characterological” way (i.e., the way they typically respond). If your Uncle is negative and critical, he will likely be that way. If your Cousin is obnoxious and self-centered, she will likely be that way. Thank goodness that also works in the positive.Think through: What should you prepare for? How will you respond to your Uncle who is negative and critical of you? Your self-centered Cousin? The family member who will try to bait you into a political argument? Anticipating what will happen, can help you form responses ahead of time and not be taken off guard.2) Work as a team. Talk with your partner about what will be the best parts and most stressful parts of your Thanksgiving celebration. Will it be cooking, serving and entertaining? Will it be traveling and staying with relatives? Will it be seeing certain family members? Talk about the best way to deal with these stressors so you can avoid or minimize as many of them as possible.Brainstorm how can you support each other. For example, can you divide tasks up, ask for help ahead of time or decide to "order in" part of the meal? Can you set up a signal with each other that you need to talk or be rescued from a conversation? Use your partnership for support.3) Anticipate hot topics. Identify the subjects that will create dissension and negativity. An easy example is the recent election. It's bound to come up in conversation. If family and friends at your gathering are on opposite sides what is the best way to deal with that? Do you say upfront that you don't want to talk about politics? Or do you say you have to go to the bathroom when they bring it up? If your partner is likely to "get into it" can you ask them not to? If someone tries to bait you into the conversation, have a response prepared; for example, "I'd rather not talk about that." Decide up front what you will and will not discuss.4) Choose to be positive. No matter what your circumstance, there is always something you can find to be positive about. Catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, tell yourself to stop, and move on to more positive ones. Keep your focus on the present and on sharing the pleasant events happening in life. Spend more time with the joyful people at your Thanksgiving celebration.5) Express gratitude to others. In our busy lives we may not often stop and think about what we are grateful for. Thanksgiving is our reminder to do just that. Make a point of telling each person what you appreciate about them. Share your gratitude with the group. It will stimulate others to do the same. Expressions of gratitude and thankfulness go a long way in growing connection and creating happier partnerships and relationships.Thank you for being part of our relationship community! We appreciate you!Have a happy, healthy, fulfilling, and positive Thanksgiving!!We are available to work with you and/or your partner. You can call us at 410-363-2825 or email LHollander@RelationshipsWork.com. We would be delighted to help.Image Copyright funlovingvolvo