6 Essential Habits That Build Trust in Relationships

“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically,if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.”- Walter Anderson

Trust - the most fragile aspect of a relationship. It’s the framework upon which love, intimacy and deep connection are built. It takes a long time to create, and a moment to destroy.Couples who practice these 6 essential habits build trust and connection in their relationships:1) Openness Being open, honest and authentic is the key to creating trust. You are best friends. There are no secrets - nothing to hide. You share what happens during your day, whether at home or work. You tell each other stories and news about friends, loved ones and co-workers. The friends you have are also friends of your relationship. You authentically share thoughts and feelings, especially difficult ones, in a kind and loving way, so you don’t build resentment about differences and disagreements.Openness means sharing yourself fully - events, thoughts and feelings.2) ListeningBeing truly interested in and listening to your partner’s stories, thoughts, opinions, ideas and feelings is vital to building trust and respect. There is a desire and curiosity to know more about what they think and why, even if you don’t agree with them. You consider their point of view and make decisions as a team. It’s not all one person’s way or the other’s. Taking the time to fully listen – meaning no distractions, making eye contact, and one person talking at a time - is vital to building trust.Listening demonstrates genuine interest in your partner’s thoughts and feelings.3) EmpathyAlong with listening comes empathy; i.e., putting yourself in the other’s shoes. You don’t feel something “about” them. You feel something “with” them.Empathy is the action of being aware and sensitive to your partner’s experiences; imagining yourself in their situation by vicariously experiencing their thoughts and feelings, then letting them know you are doing just that using facial expressions, paraphrasing, and reflecting feelings.Empathy shows compassion and a desire to understand your partner’s experiences and feelings deeply.4) Validation Validation lets your partner know they have been heard. After you listen, and express empathy, it’s important to validate that their message was received. By paraphrasing your partner’s thoughts and feelings, you let them know their point is understandable. It does not necessarily mean you agree or disagree; it just lets them know the message they sent was recognized and received.Validation respectfully indicates your partner’s thoughts and feelings are reasonable and understandable.5) TransparencyTransparency is a huge issue in this age of electronics. Couples create their own balance of privacy and transparency. However, hiding passwords, blocking your partner from seeing texts, Facebook messages, or emails indicates a lack of openness. Paradoxically, when there is transparency, it is much rarer for a partner to “check” up on the other. When you know you can check, there is no need to. (This may not apply after a serious breach of trust. That’s a topic for another day.)Transparency means you’re an open book; nothing to hide.6) ConsistencyBuilding trust is a process that requires time and experience. There is no substitute. Consistency over time builds trust. When couples are open; hear, understand and validate each other’s thoughts and feelings; and are transparent time and time again, they build love, connection and trust.Feeding and nurturing trust over the years creates a long-term relationship that is happy, healthy and truly connected. It provides a level of comfort and safety that is a true gift, and a freedom to be your most authentic self.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Though it would be ideal for every couple to have complete trust, that isn’t the reality. Bob and I have worked with many couples where trust has been broken. When couples choose to do the hard work to repair trust and persevere, you can trust again. If we can be of help, please call (410-363-2825) or email us for a consultation.Image Copyright kzenon