Does the Breadwinner in a Household "Own" the Money?
I don't care too much for money
For money can't buy me love.
~The Beatles
Bob and I have been talking with you about money and its meaning in our lives and relationships. There is one aspect we struggle with and truly want to hear your thoughts. When one person is the primary breadwinner and the other is primary caretaker of the children and household, who "owns" the money? In other words, who does the income belong to?In our practice, we often see the partner who earns the income feels entitled to more control over financial decision-making. And the person who manages the household and children does not feel entitled to the same level of control over money. This also comes into play when both partners work and there is a significant gap in the amount each partner earns.When money is viewed in this way, the inherent result is a hierarchy where one partner has more control than the other. The dynamic is set up for power struggles and arguments about finances.Here is what Bob and I have been thinking about this:If you truly believe the investment and synthesis of innumerable tasks is what creates a family - child care, shopping, doing laundry, cleaning, paying bills, managing finances, scheduling doctors appointments, making money - then it follows that the ROI (return on investment), including income, belongs to the couple as equal partners.Do you agree or disagree? We want to have your input. Please let us know your thoughts on our Facebook page.Here's to your relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.