How to Forgive Your Partner After An Affair
Forgiveness after an affair may seem like an oxymoron. How can anyone forgive the greatest act of betrayal in a marriage or committed relationship? Though it may seem impossible, we see it everyday in our practice.
Forgiveness is not an act; it's a process that happens over months and years. It requires the patience of a saint, tremendous humility and a strong desire to keep a relationship together. We have helped many couples walk through this process.Just what is forgiveness? Often people misunderstand its meaning.It is not:
- Condoning the betrayal of your partner.
- Forgetting about what happened.
- Pretending it didn’t happen.
- Dismissing the act of betrayal.
- Minimizing what occurred.
- Denying the pain about what happened.
It is:
- Telling a partner how the betrayal affected you, in a way that they can hear it.
- Sharing the feelings of sadness, hurt, pain, anger, anxiety and fear.
- Allowing yourself to face the feelings and walk through them.
- Having the freedom to talk about it when you are feeling low.
- Asking for support when a trigger comes up.
- Working together to understand how and why the betrayal occurred.
- Separating the act of betrayal from the character of the person.
- Supporting your partner in forgiving himself.
- Choosing to work toward letting go of the pain.
- Understanding how to prevent it from happening again.
- Finding new ways to build deeper connection and trust.
- Setting yourself free.
These are the tasks that couples must work on to achieve a true sense of forgiveness. It is a very difficult road, but for couples determined to keep their relationships together, it is worth the work.As people forgive, they move from living in the past to living in the present and beyond; from feeling a sense of hopelessness and despair to feeling more alive and optimistic.If you need assistance with emotional and/or sexual betrayal, contact us by phone (410-363-2825) or email. We would be glad to work with you and/or your partner.Image Copyright Popa Sorin