The Surefire Way to Revitalize Your Relationship This Year - Part I (of II)

New Years is a perfect time to “start again,” whether that’s working on eating more healthy food, doing more exercise, attending to your health or revitalizing your relationship. The secret to success, whatever your goal, is to 1) identify specifically what you want to change, and then 2) “actively persevere.” Today we take a deeper look at the first step:Setting SMART Goals for Your RelationshipSetting goals to improve your relationship doesn’t sound very romantic. However, studies over the last three decades consistently show when people set specific goals they are much more likely to achieve their desired outcomes. Setting vague “do your best” goals does not work effectively.The SMART model of goal setting comes from the corporate world, but can also be applied to personal goal setting. Here’s an example of creating a SMART goal:Specific - Goals must be specific, not vague, so the outcome is clear. What will the goal accomplish? Instead of “I want to have a happier relationship,” you would say:“I want to plan more Saturday night dates to increase our feelings of connection.”Measurable - It’s vital to be able to see and measure whether you reach a goal. That is the only way you will truly know it’s been achieved. Let’s change our goal to make it measurable.Update: “I want to plan 4 Saturday night dates per month without kids or friends, to focus on us and increase our feelings of connection.”Attainable - Is the goal something that is within your control or power? Do you have the ability to accomplish the goal? Certainly our goal, increasing Saturday night dates, is attainable.Realistic - Even if a goal is attainable, it may not be realistic. Ask yourself, is this something we can realistically achieve? Will we really be able to get a babysitter, and have the time and money to succeed in going out 4 times per month? Chances are the answer is no. You may need to adjust it.Update: “I want to plan 2-3 Saturday night dates per month without kids or friends, to focus on us and increase our feelings of connection.”Time-Bound - If a goal does not have a timeframe, there is no urgency to achieve it. And the likelihood of sticking to it decreases. It’s just human nature to procrastinate.Our final SMART goal is:“I want to plan 2-3 Saturday night dates per month without kids or friends, to focus on us and increase our feelings of connection, beginning next week and continuing in the future.”Your action step: Take time to set one to three SMART goals with your partner. Write them down and post them in a place where you’ll see them. This will keep the goal in the forefront of your mind.The second part of achieving success is to “actively” persevere. Next week we will continue with Part II, "How to actively persevere at revitalizing your relationship." Stay tuned...Image Copyright Jennifer Barrow