Why Do People Have Affairs?

Conventional wisdom used to be that affairs were the result of a sexless marriage, and the purpose of an affair was to fulfill that need. Today, experts agree there are many types of affairs, and they occur for a variety of reasons.In our work with couples recovering from affairs, Bob and I find every couple and every situation is different. However, the one question every betrayed partner wants to know is why."Why did my partner cheat on me?"When Bob and I counsel couples who come to therapy as the result of an affair, we explore what was happening in the marriage, and the individual and family histories of each partner. Sometimes the person who had the affair can identify the reason(s) why and sometimes they are perplexed by their own behavior. We help them work towards a deeper understanding.Psychologist Ofer Zur, Ph.D. summarized the research of the most well-known experts on marriage and affairs. Check out the eleven different types of affairs that he identified as a result.In her book, When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships, Mira Kirshenbaum, world-renowned therapist, explains her paradigm on types of affairs and breaks the reasons for affairs into seventeen categories. Check it out.The good news is that in many situations, marriages can and do survive affairs; and for some couples, barriers which kept them disconnected for years are resolved.If you need assistance with emotional and/or sexual betrayal, contact us by phone (410-363-2825) or email. We would be glad to work with you and/or your partner.Image Copyright Iakov Filimonov