5 Tips to Create Conscious Conversations
The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring. ~ Oscar Wilde
Courtney and Landon came to us for Couple to Couple® Coaching.Courtney: I'm having a hard time regaining my trust in Landon since his affair.Landon: She just wants to control me; I have no privacy. She checks my email and goes through my text messages every day.Courtney: Do you understand you cheated on me?! Do you have any idea how devastated I am?! He's so insensitive.Landon: I know I hurt you; it's been four months and you remind me several times a day.Courtney: Am I supposed to be over it by now?!Bob: We can see why communication has been so difficult. The two of you are talking "at" not "to" each other. There's no attempt to understand the other's point of view.Lori: Neither one of you is listening to or validating the other's feelings. Bob and I are going to act out your conflict and show you how to create conscious conversations.A Better Way (With Conscious Communication)Lori: Bob, I am having such a hard time regaining my trust in you since your affair.Bob: I know you struggle with this every day and I am so sorry for the pain I've caused.Lori: I'm glad you understand I have to keep talking about it. That means a lot. It's going to take a long time.Bob: Lori, I understand. There's something I need to get off my chest. Even though I don't have any right to my privacy now, lately I have been feeling closed in. I have been an open book with email and my phone, but at times it feels controlling, even though I know I screwed up.Lori: I know you hate it and it feels like an invasion of privacy but that is the only way I can build trust. When I check, it is not to control you, it's to give myself reassurance and to build my trust back in our marriage.Bob: I get it. I'm going to do whatever it takes to regain your trust.---Landon: Wow, that was so different. How did you do that?Courtney: That's what we are here to learn.---Here are the tips we use and share with clients to create conscious conversations in a relationship.
- Listen fully and actively.
- Then express understanding of and empathy for your partner's point of view.
- Appreciate each other for listening.
- Express your authentic feelings with kindness.
- Help your partner understand your feelings.
We would love to know what you think about couples creating conscious communication on our Facebook page.Here’s to your relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.