7 Steps to Get Your Guy to “Work on the Relationship”

By Bob HollanderOften women complain their partners resist the notion of “working on the relationship.” After all, relationships shouldn’t be work, right? Wrong. So, what is the best way to approach him?Here’s what not to say, “Honey, we have to talk.” When your partner hears this, he panics. “What did I do wrong now?!?” Fear and dread overtakes him. He thinks he is in trouble.Here are 7 steps to get him to talk:

1. Create a time and place where it’s just the two of you - no distractions, no kids, no electronics. Get away from the house. Go for a cup of coffee or a meal.
2. Ask questions. Start with a general question, e.g. “What would you like more of in our relationship?” If you don’t get a clear answer, ask more specific questions, e.g. “Are you satisfied with our sex life?” He might say, “I wish you would initiate sex more.”
3. Listen to his response. Give him your full attention. Let him know you want to hear his thoughts.
4. Acknowledge his thoughts and feelings without judgment. Don’t respond by agreeing or disagreeing with him, e.g. “I do too initiate sex.” Let him know you heard his point of view and understand what he is saying, e.g. “That’s curious. I didn’t know you felt that way. Thanks for letting me know.”
5. Share what you would like more of in your relationship. Be positive, e.g. “I would love to go out on more dates,” instead of “You never take me out on a date.”
6. Make a specific plan where each of you gives what the other wants. You could say, “How about if you plan 2 dates a month for us, and I’ll initiate sex more often?”
7. Give appreciation. Thank him for having the conversation and for working on it. It will encourage him to do it again.

We’d love to hear how this works for you! Write to us at info@RelationshipsWork.com or post your comments on our Facebook Page.FREE TeleClass: 5 Relationship Warning Lights You Shouldn’t Ignore4-Week Workshop: Reignite Your Relationship in 2014