Growing Through Your Relationship
This is a letter of gratitude to my husband, Bob, for giving me the strength, the courage and the impetus to grow. When Bob and I met one of my greatest fears was speaking in front of an audience; somehow I made it through college and graduate school without having to stand up and give a presentation. I knew when we started our practice that for people to get to know us, I was going to have to do public speaking.Bob dragged me kicking and screaming to speak to small groups of moms in child study programs. We sat and talked to them about marriage after kids. At least we didn't actually have to stand up.Just as I was beginning to get comfortable we were offered an opportunity to go on the radio to talk about love and marriage. I resisted but Bob took me by the hand and said, "We're going." I was terrified but told myself that with his support it would be fine. I was incredibly uncomfortable and since the show wasn't live, the radio personality actually allowed us to record it twice! The second time was better than the first. I felt proud of myself that I had faced my fear, with Bob's help.A few months later we got a call from a producer of a television show looking for an expert on affairs in marriage. It was a live show with a live audience. Bob accepted the invitation unfazed by my "freaking out." I didn't think I could do it; I didn't want to do it but part of me knew I had to. The week before I didn't eat or sleep. And then the big day came.The show was in the evening so I had all day to obsess and worry about it. We arrived at the station, had our faces powdered and sat in a room to wait with two other psychologists who were going to be on the show with us. When they called us, the several minutes we waited felt like an eternity.When they finally opened the curtain and I saw the platform with four chairs and lights beating down on the stage, the thought that ran through my mind was, "I'm going to the electric chair." I was beyond terrified, frozen, petrified; it was as if I was having an out of body experience. All I remember after I sat down was I better say something. I did say something but who knows what it was or if it made any sense. But I did it!After that we had several more opportunities to appear on other television programs. The next couple of times were a little easier, though my high anxiety was still there. Bob had confidence in me that if we just kept going I would feel better. And he was right.At this point, we have been the Relationship Experts for WomanTalk Live Radio Show for over five years, and Bob and I have had many more opportunities to be in the studio and on camera. I am still amazed I allowed Bob to push me through and now I speak without hesitation. I actually enjoy it and look forward to doing media. Who would have ever thought? Not me, for sure.Thank you Bob for believing in me, for supporting me and, most of all, for not allowing my fear and resistance to growth to stop you from moving us in this direction.
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~Lao Tzu
We would love to know how your partner has helped you grow on our Facebook page.Here's to your relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.