Regret and Recovery After the Affair
If only I'd thought about the pain I would cause,If only I'd looked toward my partner rather than away,If only I'd spoken louder about the emptiness I felt,If only I'd stopped arguing and started listening,If only I'd compromised more,If only I’d had more patience,If only I'd kept my commitment – till death do us part,If only I'd understood the impact this would have on my family,If only I'd thought how it would feel not tucking my kids into bed every night,If only I'd thought about what my kids would think of me,If only I'd understood the shame and guilt I would feel,If only I'd looked inside for the solution instead of out there,If only...Often couples come in to see us after one partner has had an affair and realized he/she has made a mistake. People who have crossed that boundary often have the kind of tremendous regret which I express in the above poem.Recovering from an affair is possible but it is no small feat. It takes a very long time, immense patience and perseverance, more honesty than you ever imagined, large doses of remorse, buckets of tears and a devotion to the relationship that is greater than ever before.And it can be done, with help. We are here to guide couples through the recovery process.
"When we are recovering from infidelity we must apply ourselves to the work of recovery by educating ourselves through books, counseling, seminars and support groups such as the Beyond Affairs Network. We cannot just sweep this under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. We cannot just take a pill to make the pain go away. We must grieve, we must be angry, and then we must forgive, gain understanding, accept that it has happened and discover the new life, the even better life awaiting us beyond the affair." ~ Anne Bercht
We would love to know your thoughts about recovery after an affair on our Facebook page.Here's to your relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.