Emotional Intimacy Begins with You
How well do you know yourself? Can you identify your feelings with ease? Are you in the habit of noticing your thoughts and feelings in good times and bad? How well do you voice your feelings? These are some of the questions you must ask yourself to grow more conscious of your ability to emotionally connect.And it's not always easy.When we're feeling happy or experiencing a joyous occasion in our lives, it's easy to understand, express and share feelings. I recall the song I used to sing with my kids, one I'm sure you will remember:If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands,If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands,If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it,If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.We celebrate the expression of our happy feelings. And it shows on our faces. However, when it comes to other feelings, it may not be so effortless.As a child, when you were sad or angry or afraid, did your parents ask you to talk about what was wrong, allow you to fully express yourself and listen with empathy? Or, did they try to protect you from fully embracing your pain by quickly reassuring you, shutting down your responses? Worse yet, did they invalidate your feelings or teach you not to talk about negative emotions?Before you can become emotionally intimate with your partner, you need to recognize, embrace and articulate your full range of feelings. Being emotionally intimate takes two people being able to access their own inner world. Only then will you have a frame of reference to dive deeply and empathically into the world of the other.One way to start is to journal about your feelings and your relationship. Take a few minutes each day to reflect on your experiences, thoughts and feelings. Get into the habit of "looking deep."We would love to know your thoughts about finding your emotional depth on our Facebook page.Here's to your relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.