How to Reboot Your Romance in 2015
It makes sense that the romance and passion in the beginning of relationships diminishes when you and your partner have to perform your job, prepare meals, provide homework help, act as chauffer, deal with finances and then do laundry.Often in our practice we see couples living day to day; hardly taken a moment to relax; too tired to talk with each other about anything but the next day’s schedule; distracted by electronics - the television, computer, cell phone; constantly connecting with everything and everyone except the person who is right next to them. No wonder the excitement and intimacy in our partnerships fizzles.Can this be fixed?You bet! It’s up to you to attend to the romantic and sexual connection and create passion between you. Left to it’s own devices, its easy to become roommates. One of our favorite authors, Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity, puts it this way:
“The very ingredients that nurture love - mutuality, reciprocity,protection, worry, responsibility for the other - are sometimes thevery ingredients that stifle desire.”
Perel writes that familiarity and intimacy are the enemy of sexual and erotic desire. When we marry or commit long-term to a partnership, we want security, safety, trust and closeness. However, eroticism and sexual desire thrive on mystery, the unknown, distance, surprise and space. Perel states,
“We're walking contradictions, seeking safety and predictabilityon one hand and thriving on diversity on the other.”
Interesting concept. So, here are some ways to reboot your romantic and erotic connection this year:1) Treat your partner like your lover.If you were courting or dating your partner, what would you do? Have romantic dates, get dressed up separately, do activities that are fun, go to new places, make out in the car, make each other feel special, tease, flirt, plan a surprise. Do something different!2) Create a bucket list of fun things to do in 2015.What do you enjoy doing together? Dancing, seeing a concert, planning a quick weekend get away, going to the movies, walking, ice skating, trying new restaurants, hiking, going to a trampoline park. Plan your next vacation. Pick out a place to go and start reading about it. Doing this puts the “joy” back into your relationship; and gives you something to look forward to.3) Talk about ways to spice up your erotic connection.What can you do to nurture your sexual relationship? Agree to try something new; talk about your fantasies; go to Victoria’s Secret together; create a romantic atmosphere with candles and soft music; go to a toy store together, and we don’t mean Toys R Us; shower together; read a sexy book to each other out loud; watch a romantic movie together. Check out tantric sex. It combines sex with meditation. Lori interviewed Diana Daffner several years ago. Diana and her husband write and teach tantric sex. You can find out more about their book, Tantric Sex for Busy Couples, and their retreats at Intimacy Retreats.com.Often couples tell us they don’t have time for their relationship. The truth is they don’t make time for their relationship. The way we choose to spend our time is the way we choose to spend our lives. The start of the New Year is a great reminder to make your relationship a priority and reboot your romance in 2015.