Just How Important is Sex in an Intimate Relationship?

The deepest relationships are where couples are intimate in head, heart, body and soul.But just how important is sex in a long term relationship?Studies show that sexually satisfied couples rate sex as a small part (15-20%) of their relationship happiness. Sexually dissatisfied couples rate it much higher (50-70%). This means that if the sexual connection is not satisfying, the entire relationship can be in trouble.When couples in our practice talk about their sexual differences the complaint we hear most frequently is: "We used to make love three times a week and now I'm lucky if we are together twice a month. Maybe I am not attractive to her anymore."Most couples have different degrees of desire. Often women don't understand that men in love with their partners want much more than just erotic stimulation. They feel most emotionally connected to their partner when love is expressed physically. If the frequency of sex decreases over the years men may feel unloved.In counseling we ask couples to imagine going out on a dinner date. Peter and Jen both order steak but Peter orders the 12 oz. T-Bone and Jen gets the 6 oz. Sirloin. Would they be upset with each other for wanting different size portions? Would Peter be offended or hurt because Jen ordered a smaller steak? How ridiculous! Sexual appetite is no different.Using this metaphor to talk with your partner about your different sexual desires eliminates judgment, hurt and blame so you can work together to find ways of accommodating each other’s needs.