Map Your Personal Journey to Extraordinary: The First Step (Part I of IV)

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."-Neil Armstrong, setting foot on the moon in 1969Every extraordinary journey starts with the first step. So too, does your road to a lifetime of love and passion.Getting to the moon used to seem like "the impossible dream;" yet, with time, energy, patience and teamwork, it was achieved.The road to an Extraordinary Relationship, a lifetime of deep and lasting connection with one person, may also seem like an impossible dream. Our 20-plus years of work with thousands of couples, not to mention working on our own relationship, has shown us otherwise.

The key to extraordinary lies in understanding the components that create a "forever" bond and then acting upon them.

Over the next four weeks, we are going to take you on a ride down Extraordinary Relationship Lane and give you a better view of the three critical stops along your journey. The three components that distinguish an extraordinary partnership from one that is good or even great.

So, hop in the car, relax and take the first step with us as we pull up to the stop called, Conscious & Active Co-Creation.Many people believe that "if you really love someone," no effort is needed, that the feeling of love will overcome all obstacles no matter how big or small; love will conquer all (remember the song, "Love Will Keep Us Together?"). In addition, they believe that if "that feeling" goes away, the relationship is over and it should be ended. After all, this is what we see in the movies and on TV.We hate to burst that bubble, but this car doesn't run without some active form of energy that we intentionally input, no matter how much love we feel for the car. Relationships don't just happen by themselves.

Both partners have to take concrete actions and steps in an aware and purposeful way to fill the tank of extraordinary.

When the tank is empty, it needs to be refilled or it will stop running.

So on this first stop, concentrate on actively loving your partner - through words and deeds. It means focusing conscious attention on your partner, yourself and the relationship with eyes wide open, not only outward, but inward as well.But wait. Your car has three tanks - the three components of an extraordinary relationship. Which one do you fill?To get started on your personal journey to extraordinary, it's vital to figure out where your Personal Starting Point is.This shows you which tank you need to fill at that particular time.The map at the shopping mall says, "You are here" for a reason: It's easy to locate your destination, but you won't get there if you don’t know where you are now.Assessing where you and your partner are now in your relationship orients you so you know you are driving in the right direction and won't get lost or go down the wrong street.We want you to find your Personal Starting Point as the first step in this process. Then you will clearly see where you and your partner are at this moment - where you need to work, actively and consciously, to move your relationship toward extraordinary.Every couple has their own unique starting point since there are no two relationships that are alike. And, at any given time, your starting point will be different. When you first begin to really work on your relationship in a conscious way - you are finding your very first Personal Start Point - and this is why we want you to find out where you are right now. We want you to be able to apply what we cover in the next weeks and months to you.You can certainly be a general student of relationships, sitting in the back of the room. But we want you to sit up front and actively create your unique map.Without a unique map, we all tend to address the day-to-day issues in our relationships by having chronic arguments about the same issues, venting to our friends, having a glass of wine, or thinking it will get better on its own. Or we may fight about the wrong issue.Our 48-question assessment resource - How Close are You to Extraordinary? - is a tool that will map your journey to extraordinary and show you your coordinates. This is the return of our disappearing 12 questions from last week.For example, instead of arguing about why your kids are sleeping in bed with you, the assessment will point you toward talking about your emotional and sexual intimacy, which is the real issue. Or, if you are disagreeing about how you spend money, the assessment will identify the larger issue, which is difficulty negotiating or problem solving or perhaps point out that you need to look at your "baggage" around money issues.As we promised, How Close are You to Extraordinary? will be available TOMORROW, August 5th, when we launch our brand new resource center devoted solely to YOUR relationship.If you'd like a reminder tomorrow, sign up for our Radical Relationships eNewsletter today, and we'll send you the link the minute we open our virtual doors.We truly believe that finding your Personal Starting Point, by answering the 48 questions in this assessment, is the shortest route between where you are now and your "possible dream."In the corporate world we use strategic planning to achieve goals; you identify your starting point, A, and your objective, B. Only then can you figure out how to get from A to B. Working on your relationship is no different. We feel this task of finding where you are now is vital to making sure you are going in the right direction on your personal journey.Clearly, it's also a critical piece of the stop we're at right now - Conscious & Active Co-Creation - as we all become conscious of where our relationships are today and active in creating what we want for ourselves tomorrow.To your relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander