Relationship Evolution Part I: The Danger of "Heart-Speak"
Relationship evolution is the never-ending, continual process of consciously creating the head, heart, hormones connection through the ongoing actions and words exchanged between two people.How often have you heard people say, "Just speak from your heart"?Great advice if you are talking to your therapist. In your relationship, it's not quite that simple.Strong emotions are complicated and multifaceted so, when difficulties arise, your emotions may experience a roller coaster of anger, sadness, fear, hurt and love - all in a matter of minutes. It is important to acknowledge all of these feelings, to yourself.But when it comes to communicating with your partner, "Heart-Speak" - speaking just from the heart - can damage a relationship. Your cognitive thought process is the filter that allows you to determine what information you will share with your partner and how you will express it.When emotions are high and your logical thinking and reasoning are nowhere to be found, you may say and do things that hurt your partner. Filtering your strong emotions through your head is a much more productive way of sharing your feelings and will allow your partner to hear them in a clear and empathic way.So instead of just speaking from the heart: Be aware of all your feelings AND use your head to filter what and how you share them with your partner. Striving to face, embrace and express feelings in a healthy way is extremely important to creating a loving heart connection.We would love to hear your thoughts about "relationship evolution" on our Facebook page.Here's to your "Relationship Evolution,"Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.