Relationship Evolution Part II: "Head-Speak" in Search of Heart
Relationship evolution is the never-ending, continual process of consciously creating the head, heart, hormones connection through the ongoing actions and words exchanged between two people.Just as "Heart-Speak" - speaking just from the heart - can be damaging to a relationship, so can "Head-Speak," or speaking just from the head. This often takes the form of one partner telling the other, "We have talked about this over and over. Why do we have to talk about it again? I apologized for what I did; let's move on."In this scenario, the cognitive thought process is operating, but there is a lack of acknowledgement of the heart, the feelings that are tied to the issue. When people have strong emotions of anger or hurt or anxiety, they may need to discuss the facts, the thoughts AND the feelings until the heart can absorb and rebound from the pain.Speaking from the head works if it is informed by the heart. If the head understands that feelings need to be addressed in addition to logical understanding and discussion, the communication will be much more productive.So talk from the head, and listen from the heart. Synthesize the thoughts and feelings; allow them to come together. In your relationship evolution, strive to balance head and heart to effectively communicate.We would love to hear your thoughts about "relationship evolution" on our Facebook page.Here’s to your "Relationship Evolution,"Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.