The Truth About the Future of Marriage
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1749-1832
Will marriage become a thing of the past?Some frightening statistics were recently reported by the Pew Research Center. They found the rate of marriage in the United States is at an all-time low; only 50% of all adults (ages 18+) are currently married, compared to 72% in 1960.Though 40% of people believe marriage is becoming obsolete, 61% of those "never married" want to get married someday.Better news was reported by the National Marriage Project, a nonpartisan, nonsectarian, and interdisciplinary initiative at the University of Virginia, founded to do research on the state of marriage. Their recent study shows greater than 75% of people in the US still believe marriage is "important." In addition, they found 70% of adults under age 30 want to marry someday.So what does this mean for the future of marriage?From a historical perspective these statistics sense. In the 1950s and 1960s marriage was necessary for economic and social purposes. There were few choices for women in the workplace and men did not stay home to raise kids. Couples were committed to staying married. The foundation upon which marriages are built today is quite different than our parents'.Today, women and men have the opportunity to lead individually fulfilling lives, have careers and live singly, with or without children. Socially, an unmarried or divorced person is not judged to be deviant as they would have been years ago.Despite this, we do believe that marriage will continue. Most people we see are looking for a person with whom they can connect, emotionally and sexually; a companion they can spend the rest of their lives with. Most people who want children do not want to raise them alone.The problem is we marry for one reason only: feelings of love; feelings so powerful we believe they will hold us together forever. The truth is, love is the weakest link in a relationship. Without understanding the commitment to "marriage," and without compatible qualities in partners, love is the worst reason in the world to marry. Feelings will fade without the proper care and feeding.Individuals and couples, more than ever, need to learn how to create a thriving and lasting marriage. More than any prior generation, we must acquire the skills that lead to successful and enduring partnerships and have more conscious conversations than ever before.
There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.
~ Martin Luther, 1483-1546
We would love to hear your thoughts and ideas about the future of marriage on our Facebook page.To Your Relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.