The Key to Great Sex

 I’ll never forget my Sex Education course at the University of Maryland. I walked into a large lecture hall with 400 students and sat down between two people I’d never met. Our professor came out on stage and said, “People are uncomfortable talking about sex, so they avoid it. Since this class is sex education, we are going to be talking about it a lot. So I want you to turn to your neighbor and say the word pen*s ten times. Then I want you to turn to your other neighbor and say vag*na ten times.”

A flush came over me and I wanted to crawl under the chair, but I couldn’t. The good news is, we all survived that class and it made such an impression on me that I have never forgotten it.Fast forward to 2013. Bob and I have been working with couples for 25+ years and guess what? Many couples are uncomfortable talking about sex, so they either avoid it or fight about it. The result is often a sexual connection that is lackluster, and most likely one, if not both partners, become dissatisfied. Feelings of being unloved, rejected, unattractive or undesired set in. Distance is created and the emotional connection suffers. The relationship becomes more like one of roommates or partners look outside the relationship to feel desired and excited.So what is the key to great sex?You’ve GOT to talk about it - - even if it is uncomfortable!Communication about sex IS the key to a happy and healthy sex life.Here are some tips to get you started with the conversation:

• Don’t have a discussion about this during or right after lovemaking.
• Pick a time and place to talk that will be private and uninterrupted.
• Go away together if possible, even if it’s just one overnight, to talk and connect.
• Share this article with your partner.
• Acknowledge the discomfort or fear of discussing sex.
• Make it positive, e.g. “I love you and I want to talk about how we can make our sex life the greatest.”

We’ll talk more about this next week! Meanwhile, we encourage you to get the conversation started.