The Truth about Sex and Marriage
"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together." ~ Rodney Dangerfield
How is sex in your relationship?It's estimated that one in five couples live in a "sexless" marriage, defined by experts as having sex fewer than 10 times a year. One third of couples have mismatched desire. Studies also show that only 40% of married couples are very satisfied with their sex lives.We can tell you from listening to many couples that sex is a major area of contention in marriages. We most often hear, "I have nothing more to give at the end of the day." "I'm too tired." "I don't want anyone else touching me." "Every time I initiate sex I get turned down so I stopped asking." "I feel I no longer turn her on, and it's killing me." Partners worry: "If she is not making love with me, maybe she's having an affair."Here's what happens to romance for many couples: Passion abounds in the beginning while young couples are starting out and working on their careers. Then kids come along. Now we all love our kids but we can tell you they put a huge damper on our sex lives. There is so much to do and so little time, that sex goes to the bottom of the to-do list and stays there. The result is either both partners succumb to this and become roommates or they chronically argue and resentment builds up. Without the conscious effort of both people feeding the sexual fire the erotic flame will burn out.Here are some tips to keep sex and romance alive:1) Be the one to initiate if you are usually the one who waits to be asked - your partner will appreciate it.2) Do something different – we all get into routines in bed; spice it up with a new sexy outfit, a different room in the house, a new toy.3) Create private time - no excuses! Send the kids over to the grandparents or to their friends or go away for one night or a week.Though it is a challenge, no doubt, to make erotic love a priority, it is vital to the Head, Heart and Hormones balance essential to a lifetime of love and lust.We would love to hear your thoughts and ideas about sex after marriage on our Facebook page.To Your Relationship,Lori and Bob HollanderP.S. Don't miss our FREE 20-page eWorkbook, "How Close Are You to Extraordinary? Find Your Personal Starting Point on the Journey to a Lifetime of Love."
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.