The Truth About What You Can and Can't Change About Your Partner

The success of marriage comes not in finding the "right" person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married. - John FischerEver wonder why we idealize our partner at the beginning of a relationship and overlook, ignore or deny the things we don't like?We make excuses or convince ourselves that we’ll be able to change him/her:"She doesn’t really drink that much.""He plays golf a lot, but once we marry, he'll spend more time with me."As we settle into a long-term partnership, the things we once overlooked come to the fore. The realization that we can't change certain aspects of our partner can be a rude awakening.

The three stages of love and marriage: You don't know em, but you love em. You know em, and don't love em. You know em and you love em. - Unknown

On their first therapy session, most couples complain, "If only she/he would change, then we would be happy." It's common to blame our partner for what is wrong in the relationship.So, what can we change and what must we accept in our relationship?

1. You can change dynamics in your relationship if your partner is motivated to work with you on change, e.g. learning skills to manage conflict more effectively.
2. You can change your partner's habits and behavior, if he/she is willing to work on changing them, e.g. keeping the house clean and/or being on time.
3. You can't change your partner's personality, e.g. being shy or extroverted and/or being giving or self-centered.
4. Last and most important, you can change the way you react to your partner's behavior. This may go a long way toward your partner changing.

You don't marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you.
- Richard Needham

We are here to support you in your personal journey toward extraordinary.To your relationship,Lori and Bob HollanderYou and your partner have the power to change. But do you know how to make change stick?Relationship Roadblocks: Getting Your Partner to Work with You & Making Changes Last walks you through our 5-step process for making change so that you can take your relationship forward faster.Also, download our FREE 10 Tips for Getting Him to Talk today.Want to be the first to know about new resources for an extraordinary partnership?Sign up at Store & Explore and you'll receive a free resource as our "thank you." Just look in the right column for the sign up box!