Uncover Your Financial Baggage to Set Yourself Free
No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I never worried about money until my parents' divorce. During my first 12 years I wasn’t even aware of money. We lived in an upper middle class neighborhood, dad worked, mom was home with the kids and all was right with the world.The years between separation and divorce were intense and conflict about money was front and center. Abruptly I learned that money was necessary to pay for everything I once took for granted – living in our house, driving a car, buying food, having clothes, surviving. It was a scary, anxious time and it was a struggle.Eventually things worked out, yet that experience left an imprint about money on my psyche. As an adult, thoughts about money triggered fear and worry, “Will there be enough?” I experienced guilt about spending, “You never know when a financial crisis could occur.”Bob grew up in a family that looking back was relatively “poor.” Yet he had no anxiety about money; his basic needs were met, everyone else in the neighborhood was “poor” and he knew nothing else. He wasn’t aware of his parents' struggle to pay for college. As an adult, he didn’t worry about money, believing “Things will somehow work out.”Would it surprise you that our disagreements about money occur when I want to save and Bob wants to spend; when I worry about the future and he doesn’t? Through deep exploration of our own financial baggage individually and then together, we’ve come to understand and appreciate each other’s feelings about money. There is no longer blame, judgment or a tug of war about who’s right and who’s wrong. We have used this understanding to bond as a team and work through financial decisions together; Bob helps me spend and enjoy, and I help him save and plan ahead.What is your financial baggage? What is your partner’s? Dig deep to uncover what money means to you and to your partner. Then journey down the path to financial intimacy – this foundation will help you resolve your financial differences.We would love to know what you think about financial baggage and how it affects your relationship on our Facebook page.Here's to your relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.