In What Stage is Your Marriage?

Anyone who has been married more than a couple of years, knows marriage goes through different stages. Psychologist, Rita DeMaria, PhD, wrote about these stages in her book, The 7 Stages of Marriage.Being aware of the stages will help you understand the feelings, thoughts, challenges and rewards at different periods in your relationship. Couples don’t go through these stages in a straight line, or for a particular amount of time. The stages vary from couple to couple. However, this information will give you an idea of what to expect in the lifetime of your marriage.Passion is first. We all know about this stage. The honeymoon in the beginning is a time when we don’t have to work to create the feelings of love and romance. You establish your identity as a couple and build the head, heart and hormone connections that we talk about.Next comes Realization. Reality sets in and your partner comes down off the pedestal. You find out what you like and don’t like about each other. This is where you also start forming an underlying friendship and work on empathic communication. Routines are established with division of labor and financial matters.

Another stage is Rebellion. Rebellion is when individuals pull back from each other and focus on their individuality. They may have conflict and power struggles. In this stage you can learn to compromise, to negotiate, to accept your differences, and to solve problems.Having children and moving up the career ladder leads to the stage of Cooperation. There is too much to do, not enough time, money, emotional or sexual connection as a couple. It’s vital during this stage every couple remembers to carve out time for the relationship.When kids leave the home there is the stage of Reunion. The two of you are back together as a couple for the first time in a couple of decades. If you still like each other, it can be a wonderful stage - time to do more together, renew your relationship, focus on being healthy, and develop new interests together.Some couples go through a difficult stage somewhere along their path called Explosion. Crises such as an illness, losing a job, an affair, family crisis, or aging parents, can bring couples together or pull them apart. The opportunity at this stage is to come together, unite as a team, and deepen your connection.The final stage is Completion. You face aging as a couple and keep your relationship growing. Creating more meaning and purpose can happen in these years, especially if you become grandparents. And you deal with the possibility of losing each other.Each of these stages has its own opportunities and challenges. Talk with your partner about what stage you are at and how you can build connection by facing the challenges together.