3 Ways to Stop the Argument Merry-Go-Round
"Whenever two good people argue over principles, they are both right." -Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
Do you and your partner argue about the same issues without resolution? Are you in a cycle of blame where you have chronic arguments that go nowhere? Most couples do have recurring disputes and if they are not careful they may end up on a merry-go-round of conflict.In our practice when couples present this way, their voices become louder, conversation escalates, dialogue becomes fast and furious and the blame game begins. When each partner tries to prove they're right, nothing good will result. The biggest problem is that no one is being heard and both partners feel invalidated.
Here are three ways to get off the argument merry-go-round.
It's vital to remember you are on the same team and the goal is to understand each other, not determine who is right or wrong.
1) Slow down the conversation.
It is critical to have one partner talk at a time and for the other to truly listen for understanding before they respond. This takes a conscious and deliberate effort since emotions must remain calm.
2) Identify your own part of the problem.
Instead of blaming your partner, each person should identify what they are contributing to the chronic conflict to keep it going and what they can do to work towards resolution.
3) Don't engage your partner's anger.
It really does take "two to tango." So if one person escalates and the other doesn't, the conversation will remain calm. It is not easy to bite your tongue, but as they say, "the person with the most scars on their tongue wins."The true test of the relationship is at these most difficult times. That is the "work" of the relationship.We would love to hear what you think about the argument merry-go-round in relationships on our Facebook page.
Your relationship deserves the highest level of support. Relationship Experts, Bob and Lori Hollander are committed to helping individuals and couples build connection and deepen bonds in a world that often makes it difficult.Call them at 410-363-2825 or email them today, info@relationshipswork.com.
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