Are You "In Love" with Your Partner?
It's not unusual for couples to start counseling many years after difficulties have begun. They describe not having been happy for years and question whether or not they still "love," or are "in love" with, their partners. So what does "love" look like after many years of marriage? It's a difficult question to answer. The following quote from the movie Captain Corelli's Mandolin does a good job of explaining what we feel love looks like after a long period of time together:
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two. ~ Louis de Bernières, Captain Corelli's Mandolin
This touching statement describes a deeply intimate relationship; not one that is electrifying like when you first "fell in love," but one where two people have shared their lives authentically in moments of joy and moments of pain, having "grown into love." That is the deepest kind of intimacy.We would love to know your thoughts about love on our Facebook page.Here's to your relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.