Are You Living Your Marriage Awake?
At its simplest, conscious living is the art of feeling your feelings, speaking authentically, knowing your life purpose, and carrying out effective actions that contribute to your well-being and the well-being of others... Life comes to us freely; we wake up one day, and we're in it. Conscious living is the art of expressing gratitude for the gift of life by learning and loving as much as we can until the moment we're not here.~ Gay Hendricks, author, Conscious LivingAmanda and Allan came to us for help with their marriage.Allan: I don’t know if I am “in love” with her anymore.Amanda: After 20 years of marriage and two kids, I am devastated. How can he say that?Allan: We don’t connect like we used to. She focused on raising the kids; our oldest is in college and our youngest is starting in the fall.Amanda: Yeah, we’ll finally have an empty nest and can focus on us again. And now you are telling me you’re not in love?Allan: Amanda, you have to admit, we don’t do much together; you go out with your friends, I play golf. We only have sex about once a month, if that. We just lost touch over the years.Amanda: And when was the last time you took me out on a date? Or we went away together?Allan: I know, it’s been a long time. Can you help us or is it just too late?Bob: It’s never too late to work on your marriage unless you quit. We have the tools and knowledge to help you and are here to support the two of you.Lori: We have helped many couples re-connect and build an even deeper relationship than they had before.This is an example of a couple who has “slept through” their marriage. They did what most people do: get married, have kids, care for them, get the kids through school, sports, SATs and send them off to college. There’s just one thing missing, like many couples, they let go of attending to their relationship.It’s easy to see how this happens. Many studies have shown that marriages suffer the first couple of years after having children. Being devoted to the care of their kids, couples put themselves and their marriages on the back burner. If at some point they don’t recognize the need to get back to nurturing, connecting and continuing to grow their own relationship, a habit of being child-focused is begun. The days go slow but the years go fast. Then all of a sudden...voila, the kids are going to college and you don’t know who you’re living with. The fire in your relationship has faded and the two of you have drifted apart.So what do we mean by “living your marriage awake”?
- Recognize the importance of your relationship – Put it first as often as possible.
- Be aware of your feelings with and about each other – Check in daily or weekly.
- Communicate often and deeply – Resentment is only built when you choose to hold thoughts and feelings back.
- Make “couples” time – Go on dates, create alone time, take vacations together.
- Connect with Head, Heart, Hormones – Talk authentically, love actively and make love often.
We would love to know what you think about living your marriage awake on our Facebook page.Here's to your relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.