How to Fall in Love With Your Partner ... All Over Again
"One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when youfall out of love with each other, it keeps you together untilmaybe you fall in love again."~ Judith Viorst
Persistence can often be the "make it or break it" factor in a relationship's survival.When we see couples who feel there is nothing more they can do to make their relationship work, we offer them hope. With the help of counseling, couples whose relationships have had a "near-death" experience, can survive and thrive. It takes the willingness to engage in the process of finding and addressing the roadblocks in the relationship; and, the courage to consciously do the difficult work that will allow you to fall in love with your partner again.Barb and Donald came in after Barb's mom passed away. For the last three years Barb had been the primary caretaker for her elderly mother who suffered with dementia. Donald felt Barb had little time or energy left for him and that their relationship had taken a back seat. They rarely went out and their sex life had become nearly non-existent. Donald admired Barb's devotion to her mom but said he had lost his feelings of love and attraction for Barb.In Couple to Couple® Coaching, we worked with Barb and Donald to emotionally connect on a deeper level than they had in the last three years. Donald acknowledged he had withheld his feelings and needs from his wife since he hadn't wanted to add to her burden. He didn't realize his feelings of isolation and rejection had created an underlying resentment that got in the way of his connection with Barb.Without taking it personally, Barb was able to understand Donald's resentment and feelings he had "lost" her. We encouraged this couple to continue having these deeper conversations through the weeks. And we suggested Donald start courting Barb again. He arranged several dates and eventually a romantic weekend away. This couple revived their relationship and went on to have a closer bond than ever before.Identifying and addressing the underlying reasons Donald had lost his feelings for Barb, removed the roadblock of resentment that had been created. They persisted in doing the work of consciously communicating, setting up dates and doing small acts of love, which nurtured their feelings for each other. Donald fell in love with Barb all over again.We would love to hear your thoughts and ideas about falling in love with your partner again on our Facebook page.To your relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.