Is Your Relationship Ordinary, Good or Extraordinary?
You've heard us talk about helping you create an extraordinary partnership. But just what is an Extraordinary Partnership? What do we mean when we say that?
Most importantly, is "extraordinary" just a
fancy word for great, or is it something more?
In our 22 years of experience as relationship therapists, we've supported hundreds of couples in repairing and growing their relationships. This work has thrilled, challenged and honored us. And it's made us curious. We wanted to know: What is the difference between a good relationship and a great one? What does it take to go beyond great to unusually excellent? In other words, extraordinary.Through our work, we came to realize that if a very specific foundation is in place, a relationship can grow to be better than great. We discovered that we could divide that foundation into three overarching ideas or concepts – ideas and concepts that by their very definition must include all the relationship skills necessary for a partnership to survive and thrive (good communication, ability to navigate conflict, etc.).So, what is an Extraordinary Partnership?First and foremost, we define an Extraordinary Partnership as one that is Consciously and Actively Co-Created. When a couple intentionally commits to work on building the relationship they desire, it's as if they are building a home. Each of the building blocks needed to achieve the desired result is chosen with thoughtfulness and care - the style, the colors, the window treatments and every piece of furniture. When you finally step back and see the finished product you feel a deep sense of pride. Conscious and active relationship building done right is no different. It is created purposefully, with thoughtfulness and care. The result is a deep sense of intimacy, love and connection.Next, an Extraordinary Partnership is one that evolves through Courageous Awareness and Compassionate Understanding of Self and Partner. Instinctively, our eyes look out toward our partner. The eyes of extraordinary couples also turn inward. In either direction, the goal is to work on exploring and deeply learning about yourself and your partner, with unwavering determination that perseveres even when uncovering artifacts that create fear. Digging deep into our histories for understanding of our individual thoughts, emotions, beliefs and perceptions, and then authentically sharing them with each other, takes us to a level of compassion and acceptance like none other.The third component of an Extraordinary Partnership is that it's Vitally Connected in Head, Heart and Hormones. "Head" refers to a couple’s cognitive connection: thinking, communicating, talking, decision making, problem solving, negotiating. "Heart" means connecting on a feeling or emotional level: understanding, empathizing, sharing, caring, loving. "Hormones" is the sexual attraction: the mysterious, neuro-chemical response that biologically pulls us toward each other like opposite poles of two magnets. When a couple is eternally devoted to nurturing each of these three elements, a balanced and harmonious relationship is created. Even more, couples experience the deepest level of connection possible because all three elements are working together.Now that we've shown you what we think is the foundation of an Extraordinary Partnership, imagine any of the pieces missing. What would a relationship look like without both partners actively involved in its growth and care? What would a relationship look like if one partner was unaware of what he/she was feeling or doing, or if one partner felt contempt for the other versus compassion? What if there was no desire to understand each other? And, finally, what would a relationship look like if there wasn't an emotional and erotic connection?Can you see how a relationship might seem good or great without the whole foundation? And yet, can you see how having all three pieces solidly in place - or, more commonly, working on all three pieces - inherently prevents partners from drifting apart?