Power Up Communication With Your Voice
Did you know the way your communication is received by your beloved depends:
- 7% on the actual words that are spoken;
- 38% on the way that the words are said, i.e. tone, inflection, volume;
- 55% on facial expression? (Professor Albert Mehrabian)
I know when I first heard this I was truly amazed. Some couples try to be so careful to choose the right words, but in the end it's the look on your face and the tone you use that makes all the difference.With our clients tone and volume are often an issue:Gail: (Lips puckered) You always yell when you are angry.Marc: (Furrowed brow) I don't yell! You raise your voice and start screaming at me.Gail: No I don't!Marc: Look who's raising her voice now.Who's right?The answer is they are both right. If you or your partner perceives that the other’s tone is too loud, no matter what you think, lower your tone. The rule of thumb is:
Yelling is in the ear of the beholder.
The same exact words can create two totally different meanings just by the way they're spoken. Try saying the following sentence in two different tones, first sad and then angry, and you will see what we mean: "We're not spending enough time together."The sad tone indicates you miss spending time together and desire more. The angry tone indicates you are blaming the other person. Your tone will likely determine the tone of the response you receive. So remember, you have more power than you think.We would love to hear your thoughts about how your tone affects your communication on our Facebook page.Here's to your relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander
Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.