The Key to Having Your Partner "Get It"

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant? ~Henry David Thoreau

Most women (and some men) leave relationships because their emotional needs are not being met. This often is expressed in the form of, "He just doesn't get it."So what does "get it" mean? It is really about empathy. To create the deepest emotional connection, partners have to empathize with each other, i.e. develop a keen awareness of how their loved one feels and communicate that to them. Some people believe we are either born with empathy or not, but we feel it is a skill that can be learned.If you feel your partner needs to learn empathy, ask him to read this and talk with you about it. Find out if he feels you empathize with him and then share how you feel. It's a great way to start a conversation non-defensively.Here is how to hone the skill of empathy:1) Get in touch with your own feelings. Every one of us at some point in our lives has felt the four basic emotions: happiness, sadness, anger and fear. Think about the times in your life when you have experienced each of these feelings. What was the situation? What were you thinking? How did you experience this emotion mentally and physically - did you feel heavy or tense or nervous? Once you become more aware of your feelings, you are ready to think about your partner's.2) When listening to your partner, identify the basic emotion that they are expressing. Are they happy, sad, angry or afraid? What must that be like for her?3) Imagine the situation she is describing and relate what she is experiencing to a time when you felt the same emotion. Think about how it would be if you were walking in her high heels.4) Check it out with her. Ask her, "Was it similar to the feeling I had when..."5) If the answer is yes, you "got it." If no, keep the conversation going until you get an affirmative response.The single biggest key to your partner "getting it" is using empathy. Emotional connection and empathy are the underpinnings of a healthy and loving relationship. And it is something you can learn!We would love to hear your thoughts about empathy in your relationship on our Facebook page.To your relationship,Lori and Bob Hollander