Can There Be Forgiveness After an Affair?

Most people believe that if their partner cheated on them they would end the relationship. In real life, it’s much more complicated.Learning that your best friend, the person you trust more than anyone in the world, the one who promised to love you till “death do us part,” has betrayed your trust knocks the wind out of your sails. When an affair is revealed to a partner she feels traumatized; her world has shattered; the once steady foundation has been rocked like a devastating earthquake with aftershocks that just keep coming.For at least one to two weeks most people become very anxious and sad, have bouts of crying, trouble concentrating, eating and/or sleeping; some people feel as if they are dissociating. Thoughts and images race through her mind and questions abound – Who was it? Where did it happen? How did you meet? What did you do? And on and on. Feelings flood the heart and logic shuts down. At the time the betrayed person is in the darkest pain, she starts to think about whether she will dissolve everything that has been familiar to her, most likely for years.It is a daunting journey, to say the least.To complicate matters loving friends and family become very protective and angry at the partner who cheated. They may advise the person who’s been betrayed to leave. If the couple has children it is even more overwhelming and difficult to navigate.With all this, can couples truly recover from this breach of trust and learn to forgive? The answer is yes. Not that the marriage will ever be the same. You can’t get back the “blind trust” you had before the breach. However, even if you didn’t know it before, that relationship wasn’t working. We have been amazed at the resiliency of some couples to conquer what seems impossible. It takes heavy doses of time, patience, understanding and effort. Working with experienced marriage counselors is vital to recovery.We have walked the long road to forgiveness with many couples. Along the journey there are many powerful emotions - anger, sadness, hurt and fear. And there are many ups and downs. When couples take that road together a powerful bond is formed that only they know. There is hope after an affair.Forgiveness is one of the most painful decisions a person can make. Here is a beautiful description:“We know that somehow we’re supposed to forgive, but when we step right up to it, we feel as though we’re being asked to turn ourselves inside out, tear out our hearts, and give them into the hands of our enemy." -  Linda W. RooksWe would love to hear your thoughts about forgiveness after an affair on our Facebook page.To your relationship,Lori and Bob HollanderP.S. So, how can couples learn to overcome the pain that comes with every relationship and, perhaps, even allow the experience to make their relationship deeper? Setting Yourself Free – The Power of Forgiveness is essential for any couple seeking to heal past hurts or simply to bring a truly transformational process into their partnership.